In the game of love I am a huge fan of monogamy; in friendship though, not so much. Taking a cue from the folks on Wall Street I am a big believer in investing your finest in a lot of different places. Some friends are like the neighborhood credit unions who have known my family and me forever. They are always overjoyed when I walk through the door. Others are the big chain banks who greet me with good cheer, enjoy having me around, but don’t notice too much when I am gone. Others still are like the offshore bank account entrusted with just the right amount of my dirty little secrets. And still others, well, if I continue to compare my friends to institutions I won’t have any friends left. Still you get the point.
It’s not that I am against having an intimate relationship with another woman; in fact I have a lot of close bonds. It’s just the thought of picking one person that leaves me utterly baffled. When Mike and I had our wedding I had ten bridesmaids. And I still felt like I was leaving out some very worthy and special people. If Mike and I were to have our wedding today I would still be struggling to pick my “top ten”, there are just so many great choices. Sometimes though, I can’t help but wonder what I am missing. Because I have so many great girlfriends, I have been able to see what best friendship looks like. I can name you woman couples-Moe and Kathy, Melissa and Krista, Carly and Gina, Michelle and Lisa, Colleen and Van, Kim and Cheryl, Madison and Olivia-and tell you in all honesty they have something as magical as a good marriage.
I just finished reading Let’s Take the Long Way Home by Gail Caldwell. I loved that book so much. It is about a friendship between two women. A friendship like I mentioned above. At different points in my reading I thought of different friends. I thought of ten people I wanted to buy it for. Ten people who I love as much as I possibly can love. Then I thought of a few more. This must be what it is like to be a polygamist. Now I totally see why Hugh Hefner has so many bunnies in the mansion.
Sometimes I wonder if it is because of my own good marriage and my friendship with Mike that I don’t have a best girlfriend. Or maybe it’s because I don’t put out. No seriously. By this I mean only that I am a fairly private person. I don’t portray myself this way, which is an art in itself I must say, but I really am pretty selective about what I share. My lack of willingness to put it all out there is a turn-off in the game of BFF. I know this. Still, I don’t feel lonely because of it.
To me the best friend thing, it’s kind of like picking a favorite food, favorite song, favorite book, favorite vacation—it’s just about impossible. I can say my favorite food is pizza, but when you say what about Nana’s chicken soup, well that really throws a wrench in things. That’s my favorite, too. And so is filet mignon and chocolate mousse cake. I can tell you how much I loved Kauai, but then you’ll remind me of that trip to Niagara Falls with Mike, or the UK or even just Hampton Beach circa 1994 and it’s all a wash.
I’ve used the marriage metaphor, but in my case it’s not really a great example, it’s not like I am dating all of these people with the intent to settle down with just one. On the contrary, I would never give up what I have, each person their own special being. No there are far too many amazing people in my life. I guess I am just not meant to have the classic version of the best friend.
Instead my life is filled with people from coast to coast who I can laugh with, cry with, rely on, talk to, and embarrass myself in front of. I am so fortunate to have room in my heart and in my life for so many great friends. And so lucky that they have room for me.
