Good Momma?

You should have seen me two hours ago. I was sitting there in sweaty exercise clothes, wisps of curls peeking out from under my Red Sox hat, head in my hands sitting on the floor of our office, crying. After a morning jog with friends I came home to a long, complicated and not-so-successful homework session with a certain overachieving ten year old. She had been working on a writing project for a long time and suddenly one of us was in tears. It wasn’t me; that came later. Frustration at the homework turned to anger and then suddenly our sweet ten year old was talking to me like a disrespectful 16 year old. So--long story short privileges were taken away. When I told Mike what privileges were lost and for how long (not very) he made the innocent mistake of saying I was taking it too easy on her. This is what sent me into my own tantrum of tears. I felt guilty for “punishing” her in the first place, she was clearly spent and frustrated. On the other hand, her tone of voice and attitude were so poor, I had no choice. I felt so lost and frustrated, just as Maddee had felt a few minutes earlier.

Parenting is hard work. Really tough stuff. I always thought I would be very good at it, but lately I have felt like a failure on more than one occasion. I have all the makings of a good parent—patience, humor, a whole lotta education and child development classes under my belt, positive attitude, empathy-but sometimes I just can’t bring it all together in the right combination. I know I have felt like this at different times over the past ten years, and it always gets better, but in the moment it’s so hard to not blame myself for my children's heartache, poor behavior, setbacks or whatever the case may be. I know I am not alone, of course as parents we all want what’s best for our children.

Mike and I really want our children to be happy, confident, caring, respectful, intelligent contributing members of society. We want them to have the ability to solve problems, to hold their own in a group setting, to speak up for what they believe in and to respect and listen to what others believe in too. We want them to work toward the adults they are going to be, while still really enjoying their childhood. We know we can’t dictate what road, or roads, they take to get to be well-adjusted contributing adults, but we can guide them and more importantly we can be models for them. My crying jag today might not have been great modeling, then again we could say that showing a range of emotions is the best form of modeling.

Both of our children can be perfectionists (this trait absolutely, positively did not come from me), can put a lot of pressure on themselves, yet at the same time both of them really love learning and are well-rounded students. Just like so many other things in life, it’s all about balance. For me, I am okay with them continuously pushing themselves, as long as they don’t lose their love for learning, for questioning and for being children. On the other hand, I expect them to persevere, even when they are doing something they don't love.

My friends Mary, Micki and I went to see the movie The Race to Nowhere a couple of weeks ago. That movie really made an impression on me as both a parent and a teacher. (okay the movie made more than an impression—I am totally obsessed with it and think everyone should see it--check out their website for a screening near you www.racetonowhere.com). The movie is all about the academic pressures children in the US face. I can see Madison in some of these children and I guess right now I am overly sensitive to this. I actually wrote about 4 additional paragraphs here, but I decided to delete them, it was kind of getting off track. Just go see the movie if you can. If not email me and I will serve up a nice eight hundred word piece on why we need to be more aware of the academic pressure placed on this generation of children.

Speaking of children, my four-legged nephew is barking so loudly in my ear right now that I think it’s time to wrap it up and give him some much needed attention. (This would be the same four-legged friend from my August Long Strange Trip Blog)
Thanks for reading my blog even though it wasn’t filled with my usual wit and humor (yes my other entries are supposed to be witty, really). I just want this blog to be a reflection of where I am today as a parent, what I think is important for my children and really as a therapy of sorts for my rough afternoon. So thanks for reading it, give your children (human or animal) an extra big hug today as I will give mine. And remember to check out the Race to Nowhere website. 