holiday spirit

Growing up my Aunt and her family did their own thing on Christmas. We did ours. They usually came over for dessert after the separate festivities were said and done. It was a fine existence really, but we had no idea what we were missing. At some point in the last fifteen years or so that changed. Soon we were spending the holidays together. These were new dynamics and though things could get a little loud, perhaps a little heated here and there, I absolutely love holidays with the whole crew. Each year the holiday traditions continued to evolve until we perfected the gift exchange. Now, your family might do a Yankee Swap, or a grab, or choose names, or a White Elephant, or separate gifts for everyone or (gasp) no gifts at all, and you might think your family gift exchange is fun or necessary or what have you. Well, I am happy that you are satisfied with your exchange, but I can guarantee you ours is more fun. Sorry, it’s true. I’m not usually one to brag, but I am going to just get this out on the table. Ours is better. While your exchange is all about the day of…the best parts of ours happen in the weeks leading up to it.

First of all who you draw in the exchange is top secret. I know of families who draw and say something like “Aunt Margie, I have you this year, what do you want?” We are not that family. In fact we used to have a cousin named Jeremy who would do that very thing. So on Christmas eve 2002, when old Saint Nick wasn’t looking, we tossed Jeremy in Santa’s sack, and we haven’t seen him since. We just have no patience for that kind of cousin.

The goal in our exchange is to find out who has who. You need to be sneaky, deceptive and always on your toes. In the end whoever has the most guesses right, not only gets their regular gift, but also gets an additional prize. Now I am pretty good, my cousin Carly is, perhaps, a little better. We formed an alliance several years ago and we are a dream team. My sister Amanda is usually part of the alliance, but this year she’s holding out…hmmm I wonder why. My mom will sometimes exchange info with me, but not always, case in point, this year she is refusing thus far, which means she probably has me, but that blows my theory about Amanda having me. I think they have thrown together their own little alliance, which is fine, but they’ll be back.No one leaves for long.

Like I said before, it is imperative that you leave no stone unturned to find out who has who. Now I’m not going to tell you my tactics, but let me just say that years and years in front of the TV has given me an idea or two. When I walk into a room people start to quiver. Sure I might be more like Maxwell Smart than Jack Bauer, but the point is I can get the job done. While many mothers spent this morning cleaning their homes, feeding their children breakfast and, perhaps, creating a grocery list or something; I spent my morning mapping out who I think has who. Or who has whom, or whom has whom, or, well you get the point. I have some confirmed reports, and some good guesses. One or two of my pieces of information were obtained illegally and for that I am sorry, but the point is, this year, I am going to win the prize.

The past two years we have been using Elfster.com. Everyone signs up on the free website, we pick a date and then we are emailed who we have. One person is the administrator (that’s me) and if necessary can sneak a peek if someone is a little technology impaired and can’t figure out who they have. So, what I am saying is that I have access to who everyone has. Now a lesser person would just peek and call it good. I’m not a lesser person. Instead I live in a constant state of torture. It’s like putting a juicy steak in front of a dog or putting a piece of chocolate cake in front of a PMSing woman--And keeping it there for three maybe even four weeks. It’s good discipline for me I suppose, but it’s not easy knowing that I could simply head over to Elfster and end it all. That of course would be no fun, though. I much prefer the sneaking around, the fishing, the mind games-It’s definitely more my style.

So this year when you are reflecting on the true spirit of the holidays—giving, helping, peace, love, charity, putting your best foot forward, etc.—I will be withholding food and water from my 82 year old grandmother in hopes that she tell me who she has for this year’s exchange…

Merry Christmas, Happy Belated Hannukah, Have a fantastic 2011.