Bag Lady

My last blog was about friendship. I certainly am rich in friends. I have so many interesting and amazing characters in my life. I think I can thank my mom for my willingness to get to know and enjoy people, even if at first I can find little in common with them. From my perspective my mom has always had a variety of interesting supporting characters in her life story. . My mom’s friends certainly ran the gamut-from displaced hippies, to southern belles, to Beatlemaniacs to school teachers, to clowns to just about everything in between. As an adult, I very much enjoy talking with all of her friends, though I certainly have a few favorites. (and if you are reading my blog and a friend of my mom’s I assure you, you are one of them). As a child I also had some favorites, and sure I had a few who I felt mildly jealous of, and then a few I just couldn’t quite warm up to. I am happy to say that I can’t think of any friend of my mom’s that I ever truly disliked.

Still, as a child, one of my mom’s friends always struck me as the Anti-cool. Of course, I know now, what I didn’t know then, which is that this woman was/is a great friend; an honest, reliable and kindhearted person. I only knew she was quite odd. She was a single mom working full-time and raising two teens, but to me that was irrelevant. I only knew that we weren’t allowed in her apartment often and we certainly weren’t allowed to wear shoes there. I knew that she was (and still is) famous for slinging around phrases like pobody’s nerfect and I’ll take off my hat and crap in my shoe. (I am still trying to figure that one out). She wore rubber clogs before the CEO of crocs was even a twinkle in his father’s eyes. I feel pretty sure that she had a car, but took the bus everywhere; all of these things in my young mind were borderline deplorable. But, the thing I always thought oddest about her, was her insistence on carrying her own tote bags into grocery stores. I’m talking the late 70s early 80s here. And this woman is riding the buses of Malden with tote bags full of groceries. The horror! The gang at Mal’s supermarket couldn’t fathom putting groceries in used bags when there were perfectly good paper, and eventually plastic, bags right there for free! We went grocery shopping with this woman on more than one occasion that I can remember and I was completely mortified by her sheer disrespect of society’s norms. You go to the grocery store and you use their handy bags and then you throw the bags away. End of story. Geesh.

I had no idea that this quirky woman was actually way ahead of her times. Now grocery bags are all the rage aren’t they? And guess who has hopped up on the bandwagon? That’s right. Yours truly. I am obsessed with the reusable bag, as any environmentally responsible American should be. And I’m shameless about it, too. I am not afraid to use an Albertson’s bag at Fred Meyer, not ashamed to wear my red Target bags like a badge into Kohl’s. I even have a bag from the NEX, that’s right, the US military has jumped on board with this handy Earth saver. And I salute them. I won’t lie; I even have two totes from the Dollar Tree and guess what? They only cost me a buck. Today as I was scooting through Joann’s Fabric an over sized reusable tote caught my eye. It was brown with colorful birds, a cute little slogan and of course, the handy recycle sign. It looked like one of those heavy duty totes that just might run you a good five bucks, but to my delight it was only $1.99 so I scooped it up. What’s the shame in one more bag anyway? Well dear friend, I’ll tell you what the shame is. This Earth-conscious, eco-adorable, reusable bag bandwagoneer has a little tiny confession to make.

I rarely remember to actually bring my bags into the store with me. I’m saying, and I am being generous here, that I actually walk through those automatic glass doors maybe 35% of the time with bags in tow. At first I would remedy this by simply buying more reusable bags when at the store. After all if you are spending $200+ on groceries, what’s another few bucks? With the stash of bags growing exponentially though, a certain miserly fellow asked me kindly to stop adding to the collection for a while and maybe, just maybe, USE THE BAGS WE ALREADY HAVE. Thereby putting a wrench in my life goal to collect as many ugly green Albertson’s bags I could lay my hands on.

My next remedy was to stash a bunch of the bags, in the trunk of my car. Smart right? Well, how many times do you actually start your grocery trip by heading to the trunk of the car? Exactly. So, there goes that idea. Truly then, what’s a girl to do when she finds herself in the heat of a heavy duty grocery trip and realizes that she’s left the bags in the car? Depending on the shopping venue and the distance between myself and my automobile, I have been known to strategically stash my cart somewhere and trudge out to the car. Sometimes, though, especially if it’s raining or cold or I have the kids with me or I’m in a hurry, (strike sometimes and make it usually) I just get paper bags instead. And I won’t lie there have been a few times when I have done the walk of shame to my car, plastic bags in tow.

The days that I do remember to actually use my bags I go skipping out of the grocery store like I just hit the lottery. Look at me, I’m so enviro-cool! I drive a Prius, I use those eco-friendly light bulbs,I put my potatoes, carrots and other worldly goods in these great reusable sacks. Bow down to this superior momma. But like I said those occasions are few and far between. Most days I slink quietly out of the store-the weight of the dying Earth upon my shoulders.

And so there you have it. I have fessed up. I have so many reusable bags that I would never have to use the same bag twice, yet I can barely remember to actually use them at all. It’s embarrassing to say the least. I really do feel bad but then again, pobody’s nerfect.