Private I

Whether we are old friends, new pals, or blog buddies; you have, by now, gathered some things about me. You have probably noted that I am a good person, peaceful, pretty smart and fun-loving. You have more than likely also gleaned that I have the athletic prowess of a drugged two-legged donkey and that I am a Rain Man with birthdates, anniversaries, phone numbers and the like, yet I cannot ever remember when my books are due back to the library. You probably know I like my house and I like being a wife, but I am far from a housewife. For example, my cleaning skills can be summed up with this (unfortunately) true little story: A friend called and asked if she could borrow our steam cleaner for her rugs. When she came over I handed her what I thought was the steam cleaner, apparently it was the vacuum. Wonh woh. And everyone knows I’m no Betty Crocker, but I must say my cooking skills are actually somewhat better than they once were. I can now add the ability to fry turkey bacon to the list of my gourmet culinary achievements.

Whether via blog, or just conversation, you almost certainly know that I have fallen off of two treadmills and a stationary bike. You may or may not know (but surely won’t be surprised), that I embarrassed myself, in my pjs, in front of vice presidential candidate (at the time) Joe Lieberman. You know I have accidentally hugged strangers, sang out incorrect song lyrics and have had some run-ins with spray tanning machines. You are aware that I am obsessed with fresh flowers, pizza, chocolate, The Muppets, and The Bradys. These personal little details either make you roll your eyes or want to pick me up and hug me, and squeeze me, and call me George.

So there, you know me fairly well, but if you know me really well, then you know that I’m actually a pretty private person. Sure, I can be loud, opinionated, witty (I hope), willing to engage in conversation, open-minded and a good listener, but that doesn’t make me any less private, it just sort of disguises it better. There are still many things that I just won’t share. Like what? you ask. Umm, hello, that’s private. Okay, okay, I am referring to things like my fears, concerns and shortcomings in things that really matter to me (being a mother, a daughter, a wife, an educator, a global citizen, a friend, a sister, etc).

I have a few friends who write honest, intimate, eloquent blogs about the very things I won’t. This afternoon, inspired by my friend Janna’s fantastic blog, I decided to open up and dig up the deep stuff. I took pencil to paper and wrote about some of my more cherished thoughts. I made sure the mood was right. I sat out in the grass at Chambers Creek overlooking the Puget Sound. The setting was beautiful, the sun warm on my arms, the grass cool on my legs, there were little children running barefoot on the lawn and birds chirping in my ears. If that’s not inspiration for some deep thinking, what is? So, I wrote and wrote for almost 90 minutes. And then I re-read my sage words and innermost fears. In all honesty, though, it wasn’t that good. I’m not saying this in the voice of someone with low self esteem or low self worth; I’m saying this with an honest critic’s eye. It lacked depth and warmth; it was one dimensional, looking more like a list of deficiencies and less like an inspirational piece. It just didn’t suit me.

Ah well, I gave it the old college try, (which for me sometimes meant setting out for class, getting halfway across campus, then turning around, going back to the dorm and crawling into my bed to watch The Doors movie for the 33^rd time). Anyway, I’ll save today’s earlier writing for another time. Who knows maybe my kids will use the pages to elicit sympathy points in their college essays or even better they can quote me in their memoirs. You know the perfunctory Blame Your Mother chapter. Most likely entitled something like “Frozen Pizza Again?” or “We Were Forced to Wear Kneepads to Cross the Street”.

For now, I’ll continue sharing humorous (hopefully) little accounts of my foibles and follies, my triumphs and achievements. Recent stories you probably haven’t heard, yet, like last week when I went on a kayak trip and within the first five minutes managed to crash into a pier (foible). Perhaps you’d like to hear about me getting back on track with my running after an injury (triumph). Another recent story involves me taking 50 minutes to get to a restaurant that, had I turned right instead of left, would have taken five minutes (folly). Or maybe you’d just like to join with me in celebrating today’s crowning achievement- learning the correct spelling of folly.