Lollipop or Sucker-You Decide

I can now confirm that they still make Sugar Daddy lollipops. I found out for sure this afternoon when I saw one dangling out of the mouth of the woman who almost crashed into me at the roundabout by Target. If you think that last sentence was a mouthful, you should have seen that stupid lollipop. It wasn’t really the lady’s fault that she almost sent me home in a neck brace-I blame evolution. Clearly, we human beings are not quite ready for the engineering genius of the roundabout (circle, rotary, call it what you will). It’s a simple theory really, but it seems a little challenging once you’re actually there. Here’s what you do:

 1. wait until no one is coming and then jump in. During high traffic times you might find yourself waiting for quite some time to get in. This provides a great opportunity to practice some of your more colorful vocabulary words.

2.  Remember people going around the circle have the right of way, ALWAYS.

 3. Never stop your car when you are in the roundabout. 

 4. Finally, when you get to your exit, sail on out with a smug smile on your face. You made it! You beat evolution!

In Massachusetts we call roundabouts, “rotaries”. There is this rotary in Revere, Mass. That has to be one of the scariest places on Earth. Unfortunately mere words can’t explain the craziness of this thing. I don’t know if it’s two lanes, three lanes or thirteen lanes. It really depends on the day. It’s hard to get in, but even harder to get out. Think Chevy Chase-European vacation, but instead of going around Big Ben you are going around a Chinese Restaurant, a Dunkin Donuts and a strip club again and again and again. The other difference between you and the Griswolds, is that hopefully, since you are in the USA, you are taking that rotary on counter-clockwise. But hey, no guarantees there.  A little driving advice if you’re ever in the neighborhood, it’s best to just drive into that baby with your eyes closed, your hand on the horn, and hope for the best.

Conversely, the little traffic circle in question today is like the bunny slope of roundabouts. Nonetheless, it’s still a puzzle for many people. Today, I had the right of way and was heading out of the circle when that woman started to come in. She was in the wrong. Luckily, no one got hurt, and most importantly, I was in the right. I understand as drivers, we all make mistakes. Let’s look at it this way. The only reason we have our licenses is because one day, one person from the department of motor vehicles happened to be with us on a decent drive. That person watched us back up and parallel park and then looked at our cute 16 year old faces and said “Eh, Why not?!” And off we went into the world of drivers. If DMV instructors had to take new drivers through roundabouts we’d all fail.

 I was a horrible driver in high school. In fact I wish this was an audio blog read by my Auntie Susie just so you could hear her say in her thick Boston accent, “Aimee was a HAW-RI-BULL drivah.” Of course it’s Auntie Susie so there would probably be a more descriptive adjective (beginning with the letter “F”) in front of the horrible.  I digress. That was then, this is now. Given years of driving practice I can hold my own. Still, I make mistakes, we all do. I wasn’t so much frustrated with the lady’s error as I was at her complete state of oblivion. Lollipop lady stared at me blankly while I threw my hands up, mouthed some fairly strong (for me) words, shook my head at her and then drove off. This wasn’t a quick oops. This was a full stop. I hit my brakes, she hit her brakes and the guy behind me hit his brakes, too (thank you!). This was the real deal and she just sat there cluelessly with that dumb pop sticking out of her mouth.

If it was me, and it has been in the past, I would apologize profusely. In these situations I tend to launch into a monologue. “Oh geez, I’m so sorry, I’m such an idiot. I didn’t see you there. Wow, what was I thinking? I’m so embarrassed. I’m actually a respectable driver; you can check my driving record. Well sure I have a couple speeding tickets on there, but…” by the time I’m done the sun has usually gone down. The driver has arrived home and posted something on their Facebook about the idiot who almost caused an accident.

As quick as I am to take responsibility when I’m in the wrong, I’m equally unafraid to dish it out, (especially since I’m behind a very thick sheet of glass and I plan to never see the person again). Like I mentioned, I did just that today, and nothing. No response. Not even a glimmer. I am not even sure if this registered as an event to her at all. I got a 900 word rant out of the deal and she might not have given it a second thought. It is possible, though, that she is still out there now driving around and around and around and around. She’s stuck in the engineering marvel we simply refer to as the roundabout. I wonder if she’s finished that Sugar Daddy, yet.

 

 

 

Devil Inside

The first thing she said when she heard I had to write an essay on positive self talk was “That’s ridiculous. You? What makes you an expert? You and your dime store psychology. Who wants to read that anyway?”  The next thing she said was “Don’t tell them too much about your negative thoughts, they’ll think you’re some insecure freak, which you totally aren’t. Are you?” I tried to remind her that I am a positive person with lots of friends, a family who loves me, a great job, and a love for life. I told her negative self-talk was just another part of being human. Everyone else will know just where I’m coming from because they do it, too. Plus, I reminded her, I’m generally peppy and I might have something helpful to say. I’m working on my positive self talk because I believe it will just make my already happy self, even happier. “Yeah,” she replied, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that whole peppy thing…it really annoys people, you know. And there are people out there who don’t want to hear how great your life is, times are tough. No one needs a bragger. Oh and before you tune me out, I just want to tell you this opening paragraph is corny and kind of sucks.” And so I shut her up, that ugly negative voice in my head, and tried to get some perspective.

 The other night Coach Alexa took us to a hill that my friend Mel, long ago, nicknamed Tibet. It’s one of those hills that seem steep just to walk, and unbearable to run.  I was running with a great group of ladies who let me join their gang even though I was usually a Saturday/Monday person and they were Wednesday people. According to the Wednesday ladies, Monday people have a reputation of being a little more hardcore than Wednesday people. I myself, thought these hill repeating ladies were pretty bad-ass, but before I could voice it, my mind started in loud and clear, “Oh my gosh, they are expecting someone I’m not. They think I’m a hardcore Monday gal, but I’m an imposter.” Things got worse when Alexa gave me a slightly more challenging hill assignment than the other ladies. Alexa is my coach, and a cool lady, and as such she is someone I really look up to and want to impress. My first thought at this hill assignment was “Wow, she has a lot of faith in me.” This was quickly followed by “Yikes, she has a lot of faith in me. She’s going to see how out of shape I really am. I’m about to be found out!” And so the negative rant began.

I am assured by several websites and a psychologist (or two) that self talk is perfectly normal. If you think I’m talkative on the outside, you should hear what goes on in this head of mine. My internal chatter rarely stops. When I was in college, there was this show called “Herman’s Head” on Fox. I don’t remember watching it with my dorm buddies, but I know that once in a while when I was home, my parents, my sister and I would laugh out loud to that show. It is very likely that we were the only four people on the planet watching, but still. The show was about a guy, Herman, who was in his twenties-he was working, dating, and so on-typical sitcom stuff. But the cool part was that they also showed what was going on in his head. There were these little people who each represented part of his psyche, living in his brain. There were four characters. I imagine in my brain there are more like 40, each trying to get a word in edgewise.  Therefore it’s hard for me to look at two categories of internal chatter-negative self talk and positive self talk- when I think there’s a whole range of things going on in there. I’ll do my best though.

 I’ve always been a fan of The Flintstones, in fact, I feel pretty sure that it was the first cartoon I ever saw with the conscience being represented by two mini versions of Fred on his shoulders- one the angelic Fred and the other a devilish Fred.  On my hill run the other night, I moved swiftly from berating myself about not being as good as the ladies imagined I was and entered right into the angel/devil self talk. “Psst,” the little devil began, “When we get to the bottom of the hill and the rest of the gang turns around to do hill repeats, why don’t we turn right and keep running. You know as in downhill and far away? We can run all the way back to the car, or better yet all the way to Suzanne’s bakery for a brownie.” (This may have been harder to resist if Suzanne’s hadn’t already closed for the day).  “No, not an option, we are going to head right up the hill with the rest of the group,” the angel announced firmly.  I overcame the temptation to flee and tried to focus on the task ahead. In doing so I engaged my positive self talk.  “What’s the big deal? I’ll just give it a try and when I feel like walking I’ll slow down, but not stop. I can do this. I’ve been running a lot, my pace is picking up, and my cardio is getting better. I’m just going to do my best. No one’s here to judge me.” Soon, I was off and running. It wasn’t easy and my mind was busy the whole way, but instead of criticizing myself for breathing too hard, or getting tired, I kept things positive. When my positive thoughts started to falter, I moved to distraction, which is a tried and true mood enhancer. I entertained myself with all kinds of silly thoughts that were not necessarily positive or negative, but definitely did the trick.

The funny thing about negative self talk is that I would never, NEVER, talk to other people the way that I can sometimes talk to myself. In fact, I wouldn’t even think the thoughts about others that I sometimes think about me.  I am actually quite empathetic, quite forgiving and a firm believer in loving people for who they are, not who I wish they would be. So when I am engaging in negative thinking, I try hard to remind myself that I am only human and that I need to cut myself the same slack I, so easily, cut others. That is usually enough to change my attitude. If it’s not enough then I will talk to a friend or my husband to get some perspective.  And if I really need a lift and an ego boost, my sister, my grandmother and my mother are only a phone call away; and boy those three ladies sure think the world of me.  

Negative thinking has the potential to be damaging to a person’s sense of self and can impact what they will do, say or try. For me, just putting it all down here, knowing that others will read it has been very challenging. I know I claimed to shrug off the negative talk in my first paragraph, but truly I have been fighting it this entire time. I have been frustrated with my ability to tie my thoughts together, to make it interesting and to get to a level of intimacy that I usually try to avoid in my writing. I’ve turned it around though and I feel proud of myself for getting through this. I hope my longer-than-I-planned-but definitely-not-long-enough-to-even-scratch-the-surface-essay has provided a bit of insight for some of you, as well.