Lollipop or Sucker-You Decide

I can now confirm that they still make Sugar Daddy lollipops. I found out for sure this afternoon when I saw one dangling out of the mouth of the woman who almost crashed into me at the roundabout by Target. If you think that last sentence was a mouthful, you should have seen that stupid lollipop. It wasn’t really the lady’s fault that she almost sent me home in a neck brace-I blame evolution. Clearly, we human beings are not quite ready for the engineering genius of the roundabout (circle, rotary, call it what you will). It’s a simple theory really, but it seems a little challenging once you’re actually there. Here’s what you do:

 1. wait until no one is coming and then jump in. During high traffic times you might find yourself waiting for quite some time to get in. This provides a great opportunity to practice some of your more colorful vocabulary words.

2.  Remember people going around the circle have the right of way, ALWAYS.

 3. Never stop your car when you are in the roundabout. 

 4. Finally, when you get to your exit, sail on out with a smug smile on your face. You made it! You beat evolution!

In Massachusetts we call roundabouts, “rotaries”. There is this rotary in Revere, Mass. That has to be one of the scariest places on Earth. Unfortunately mere words can’t explain the craziness of this thing. I don’t know if it’s two lanes, three lanes or thirteen lanes. It really depends on the day. It’s hard to get in, but even harder to get out. Think Chevy Chase-European vacation, but instead of going around Big Ben you are going around a Chinese Restaurant, a Dunkin Donuts and a strip club again and again and again. The other difference between you and the Griswolds, is that hopefully, since you are in the USA, you are taking that rotary on counter-clockwise. But hey, no guarantees there.  A little driving advice if you’re ever in the neighborhood, it’s best to just drive into that baby with your eyes closed, your hand on the horn, and hope for the best.

Conversely, the little traffic circle in question today is like the bunny slope of roundabouts. Nonetheless, it’s still a puzzle for many people. Today, I had the right of way and was heading out of the circle when that woman started to come in. She was in the wrong. Luckily, no one got hurt, and most importantly, I was in the right. I understand as drivers, we all make mistakes. Let’s look at it this way. The only reason we have our licenses is because one day, one person from the department of motor vehicles happened to be with us on a decent drive. That person watched us back up and parallel park and then looked at our cute 16 year old faces and said “Eh, Why not?!” And off we went into the world of drivers. If DMV instructors had to take new drivers through roundabouts we’d all fail.

 I was a horrible driver in high school. In fact I wish this was an audio blog read by my Auntie Susie just so you could hear her say in her thick Boston accent, “Aimee was a HAW-RI-BULL drivah.” Of course it’s Auntie Susie so there would probably be a more descriptive adjective (beginning with the letter “F”) in front of the horrible.  I digress. That was then, this is now. Given years of driving practice I can hold my own. Still, I make mistakes, we all do. I wasn’t so much frustrated with the lady’s error as I was at her complete state of oblivion. Lollipop lady stared at me blankly while I threw my hands up, mouthed some fairly strong (for me) words, shook my head at her and then drove off. This wasn’t a quick oops. This was a full stop. I hit my brakes, she hit her brakes and the guy behind me hit his brakes, too (thank you!). This was the real deal and she just sat there cluelessly with that dumb pop sticking out of her mouth.

If it was me, and it has been in the past, I would apologize profusely. In these situations I tend to launch into a monologue. “Oh geez, I’m so sorry, I’m such an idiot. I didn’t see you there. Wow, what was I thinking? I’m so embarrassed. I’m actually a respectable driver; you can check my driving record. Well sure I have a couple speeding tickets on there, but…” by the time I’m done the sun has usually gone down. The driver has arrived home and posted something on their Facebook about the idiot who almost caused an accident.

As quick as I am to take responsibility when I’m in the wrong, I’m equally unafraid to dish it out, (especially since I’m behind a very thick sheet of glass and I plan to never see the person again). Like I mentioned, I did just that today, and nothing. No response. Not even a glimmer. I am not even sure if this registered as an event to her at all. I got a 900 word rant out of the deal and she might not have given it a second thought. It is possible, though, that she is still out there now driving around and around and around and around. She’s stuck in the engineering marvel we simply refer to as the roundabout. I wonder if she’s finished that Sugar Daddy, yet.